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Are You My Mother?

Sunday September 11, 2011

Thanks to R and J at .breaking into blossom. I’ve got a great new blog in my reader.  It’s called Regular Midwesterners and last week they posed an interesting question.  You can read J’s response here.

Do you think of yourself as a “mother”? A “father”? Something in between? Why?

For reasons that are likely obvious, I love this question.

The strange state in which I reside and adopted my son, thinks of me as a “father”.  On his newly issued birth certificate my name is typed neatly in the box marked “Father”.  This is both ridiculous and hilarious.  Oh how I do love the South.  When we can’t figure out how to handle something, we just barrel through making assess of ourselves.

I think of myself as a “Mama”, which I occasionally also spell as Momma.  I haven’t decided which version I like best.  No matter how it’s spelled, Momma suits me.  It’s a designation that has more flexible associations (for me at least) than the more buttoned-up options of either Mother or Father.  Mama offers opportunity for invention.

I am a Momma when:

  • I hold my wife close to my body so I can feel our baby kick
  • I pull my shoulders back with pride when I introduce her to someone as my wife
  • I snuggle Yogi close whenever he slows down long enough to allow it
  • I worry obsessively about whether he will abandon milk forever when we forcibly remove him from the bottle
  • I initiate a game of “pillows” by tossing pillows at Yogi’s head and tickling him to within an inch of his life while he’s down
  • I tear up listening to Yogi and his Mommy splashing and giggling in the tub
  • I toss him over my shoulder and dangle him by his feet asking “Where’s the baby?” when he gets impatient while running errands
  • I’ve never seen two more handsome people than Yogi and my wife in khaki pants and collared shirts

While there can certainly be comfort in a script, gay families have something that is even more precious.  We have the blank page, pregnant* with possibility.

* I am working the word “pregnant” into absolutely any space that will consider allowing it.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. .rlg. permalink
    Sunday September 11, 2011 2:55 pm

    I love everything about this post, but “I tear up listening to Yogi and his Mommy splashing and giggling in the tub” totally got me. Just, wow.

  2. Tuesday September 13, 2011 12:24 pm

    I love this. Yes, yes, and yes. (Must add that blog to my list).

  3. Josh permalink
    Thursday September 15, 2011 10:57 am

    Hey there. I’m just now noticed your posting–thanks for the shout out and for responding to our question. Really nicely written.

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