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This Show is Going on the Road

Sunday September 18, 2011

After months and months of thinking about it, I’m moving!

Please head over to

and check out the new site.  I hope you will update your readers and continue reading.

Any Beta Savants Out There?

Wednesday September 14, 2011


Holy Mother of God.

According to the calculator I found via Dr. Google our doubling time is 25 hours.

I know there is no way to know for sure until the ultrasound, but that is a week away.  Is it twins?  What do you think?!


Still Sparky

Wednesday September 14, 2011

Clearly this guy is still his calm, chill self.  I, of course, am not.  I think the best description of my current state is sparky.  Reduced need for sleep, increased energy and lightning fast thoughts.  A small touch (spark?) of mania.  Baby mania.

My wife went in for the second beta at lunchtime and now it’s wait time and the  I’m feeling optimistic though.  She felt pretty yucky last night and I couldn’t have been happier.  ;)  Yesterday was our anniversary and I cooked jambalaya (yum!) for dinner (which Yogi LOVED by the way) and we had my wife’s favorite desert of brownies with vanilla ice cream.  It was a heavier meal than is typical around here and my lovely bride spent the rest of the evening with terrible heart burn.  Yay!!!!  Even she was happy about it.

In the midst of all of this beta craziness, Yogi has been doing some fun things.  First, did you notice the picture at the top of this post?!  He looks ridiculously cute in denim, but….. babies don’t wear jeans.  :(  He looks like such a big boy I can hardly stand it.  This is the outfit he wore to school on Tuesday when he went back for his first full (9-2) day.  He did cry this time when I kissed him goodbye, but I waited outside the door and he had stopped in less than two minutes.  When I picked him up that afternoon his teachers said that he had made it all the way to their actual naptime at noon without snoozing on the sly!  He did however refuse to drink either milk or water in spite of the fact that I brought his two favorite cups (this is a relative term), but I imagine he won’t dehydrate in 5 hours.  At least I hope not.  Overall I think he had fun and I’m proud of him.  I am getting pretty sick of the sippy-stand off though.

I’ll post the beta when I hear it.  I’ve still just got SUCH a strong twin feeling, but who knows.  I know you can’t know for sure until you can see what’s going on in there with ultrasound, but if the number more than doubles isn’t that kind of suggestive?  If you have thoughts or ideas about this, I’d love to hear them.  Thanks to everyone for being so excited for us!

Live Wire

Monday September 12, 2011

I have felt like a buzzing, sparking live wire all day.  This is far from my first TTC rodeo, but today the wait was different.  I’ve been preoccupied and alternately worried and excited since the transfer, but today was something else entirely.  I haven’t been this anxious since graduate school.  Yogi and I went to a play date this AM during which I simultaneously carried on a conversation with four Moms, kept Yogi from dismantling a DVD player, ran my grocery list (organized by section) through my head on an endless loop, and sat on my hands to keep from typing a small subset of the things running through my mind.  Wowza.  That level of anxiety is exhausting and thankfully no longer my general state.

But…… who cares about any of that?!!  Today we are pregnant!

It was VERY hard to wait, but my wife sent a text with the numbers 280 and many, many exclamation points (my wife isn’t an exclamation point person so I love when she uses them and REALLY loves when she abuses them) and I didn’t care what time it was.  She called immediately afterward although we were both much too excited to actually talk.

I’m doing what I can not to over-analyze the number, but…. 280?!!!  It is true that today was 11 days post transfer of a day 6 blastocsyst and that is pretty far along for a 1st beta.  However, as a point of comparison – 10 days post transfer of a 5 day blastocyst that would become Yogi, our beta (it was the 2nd) was 157.  Hard not to compare.

280 feels like a HUGE number.

No way to know for sure until the ultrasound.

Patience is a virtue.


Monday September 12, 2011


That”s all I’ve got.

More later.

Are You My Mother?

Sunday September 11, 2011

Thanks to R and J at .breaking into blossom. I’ve got a great new blog in my reader.  It’s called Regular Midwesterners and last week they posed an interesting question.  You can read J’s response here.

Do you think of yourself as a “mother”? A “father”? Something in between? Why?

For reasons that are likely obvious, I love this question.

The strange state in which I reside and adopted my son, thinks of me as a “father”.  On his newly issued birth certificate my name is typed neatly in the box marked “Father”.  This is both ridiculous and hilarious.  Oh how I do love the South.  When we can’t figure out how to handle something, we just barrel through making assess of ourselves.

I think of myself as a “Mama”, which I occasionally also spell as Momma.  I haven’t decided which version I like best.  No matter how it’s spelled, Momma suits me.  It’s a designation that has more flexible associations (for me at least) than the more buttoned-up options of either Mother or Father.  Mama offers opportunity for invention.

I am a Momma when:

  • I hold my wife close to my body so I can feel our baby kick
  • I pull my shoulders back with pride when I introduce her to someone as my wife
  • I snuggle Yogi close whenever he slows down long enough to allow it
  • I worry obsessively about whether he will abandon milk forever when we forcibly remove him from the bottle
  • I initiate a game of “pillows” by tossing pillows at Yogi’s head and tickling him to within an inch of his life while he’s down
  • I tear up listening to Yogi and his Mommy splashing and giggling in the tub
  • I toss him over my shoulder and dangle him by his feet asking “Where’s the baby?” when he gets impatient while running errands
  • I’ve never seen two more handsome people than Yogi and my wife in khaki pants and collared shirts

While there can certainly be comfort in a script, gay families have something that is even more precious.  We have the blank page, pregnant* with possibility.

* I am working the word “pregnant” into absolutely any space that will consider allowing it.

I’m a Lunatic. For Sure.

Friday September 9, 2011

So many thoughts swirling around my head.

The good news is that my Dad came home from the hospital this morning.  I would feel even better about it if the doctors had had something definitive to say about why he ended up there in the first place, but I’ll take what I can get.  After all kinds of tests and blood work, they couldn’t find anything that looked out of whack.  He got bag after bag of fluids while he was there though and that definitely seemed to help.  I guess the cumulative effect of all of the chemo drugs took a toll, but he is on the mend.  Whew.  That is a tremendous relief.

And then there’s the fact that we have THREE MORE DAYS.  I’m counting Monday because when my wife called to coordinate the test with her OB office they told her they would call with the results on Tuesday.  TUESDAY?!!!!  They agreed to put a rush on it for more $$ (grumble, grumble), but I’m still thinking it might be close of business Monday.  The details don’t really matter actually.  This wait feels endless.

But by far the weirdest thing going on around here is the fact that I am entirely preoccupied with something that I’ve only given the briefest thought to before.


I have twins on the brain.  It must be because of the fact that we transferred an almost unthinkable three embryos.  I never thought about twins in any serious way during the wait after the transfer we did with two embryos.  The only thinking I’ve ever done about twins was in the very early days when we were moving towards IVF and having conversations about risks and being conservative and doing what we could to avoid it.  Not because having two babies at the same time sounded like a terrible thing (overwhelming, yes.  terrible, no) but because it sounded like a medically risky thing.

Now I feel a little differently.  My wife had such a strong and healthy pregnancy with Yogi and although the birth experience wasn’t what we had hoped for (damn C section), I’m not as nervous as I used to be.  This is probably overconfidence, but it’s where I am.  Yup.  Where I am is right smack dab in the middle of “Hoping for Twins” land.  Am I a lunatic or what?  At least I realize I’m a lunatic.  I do have that going for me.